In the wake of confusion that comes when someone decides, for whatever reason, that they are no longer into you, I always find myself asking the big questions...like, "what is the point?" and other such ruminations. During this last fallout period, I ran across a quote from Victor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning. It struck a chord. So I ordered the book and began to read it between bouts of self-indulgent mopey-ness. I haven't finished it yet, but so far it has been a good and thought provoking read. It has made me think around my own ideas of the meaning of it all.
Here's what I've come up with, for me, personally.
The meaning of life is to have a life full of (lived) meaning.
(I like how that is kind of a verbal palindrome)
I'm sure I'm not the first (nor will I be the last) person to have this idea, but what I do like about it is that it's a blank slate or in my case, a blank canvas. The blank canvas has no judgements, it simply sits there, waiting for you to choose a color and start to paint. Meaning or meaningfulness is a bit like painting, you have to approach it with intent. Without intent you will produce mud...
I also like the universality of this idea. That, if you pay attention to what your genuine needs are for fulfillment, then this idea should provide a path to finding meaning in life that fits perfectly with you, and only you. It does require some thought about what genuinely gives you meaning, but it is fluid and can accommodate most needs and can change and develop over time. I hesitate to use the word "needs" as there is a lot written about setting yourself free of need. However, in my mind these are not "needs" that make you needy, but rather less concrete aspects of life that bring you fulfillment. Ok, I'm starting to ramble...examples, right, good idea!
For me, the things that give my life meaning are -
People. The people I choose to surround myself with...
(both friends and family)
Creating. Or creative expression, in all its forms.
(painting, baking, ceramics, photography, dancing, etc!!)
Adventure. Travel...seeing what is around the next bend,
whether that bend is on the other side of the world or the
view from my bike in an unexplored neighborhood of LA, or
around the corner of time...as well as the adventure of
discovering new people, new creative pursuits, new stories,
internal exploration, etc...the adventure of life/living,
as it were.
Those are my three. What are yours? What feeds your soul? What fulfills you?
While, not being wanted, can knock me on my emotional ass for a minute or two, it never really takes the meaning out of life for me, it just pushes me to reflect, reassess, lick my wounds and then get on with living, with intent, purpose and meaning!
Ok, so I had planned to do a post about New Year's resolutions...original, eh?! Here was my rough start...
"Boys? Fecking Houdini's...I've been dating magicians ...all magic and then poof! like fuckin' Houdini they disappear. My new years resolution...NO MORE FUCKING Houdinis!!!! ...now I just have to figure out how to sort out the real magic from the cheap illusion!
This year I have two resolutions. To floss my teeth everyday (root canals suck) and to stop falling for magicians.
get sucked into the magic, dazzled by the spectacular..."
However, instead of that kind of "meh" post, I'm going to write what I've already learned this year!
"Maybe" means "No" and henceforth I will be treating all "maybes" as such! ...and done!
Oh, and dancing 'til I am drenched in sweat to deep house music is still the best (temporary) cure for all ills!
Happy 2015 everyone!!
The first step is admitting you have a problem... Hello. My name is Heidi and I am a Facebook addict.
This last week I decided to take a break from Facebook. I had read a few studies and was feeling unhappy about some aspects in my life, so I decided to take a break and see if Facebook was to blame.
Before I went on this Facebook break I assumed (based on things I had read and heard) that I would feel better after my week off. Having never been addicted to anything in my life before, it was weird to go through the experience of withdrawal. The first couple of days were definitely the most difficult, but by day three, that constant twitch to check my news feed was decreasing to just an occasion itch that wanted scratching.
So now my week is up and in actuality I don't feel any different. Those aspects of my life that are making me unhappy still are...because what affects my mood comes directly from my reality, not simply from the digital representation of my world. It is not what is on Facebook that affects my mood, but rather my pattern of behavior in how I engage with it. Doing things I know will make me unhappy on Facebook is the same as doing something in reality that upsets me. If I have the ability to be aware of my destructive behavior patterns and the will power to modify those bad habits, then both my online life and my real life will reflect those positive changes.(I hope)
While I feel that the study I read did make a valid point, for me personally, happiness is tied to what is going on in my real life and Facebook tends to mirror that. What I mean is, if something is bothering me in real life, it will bother me on Facebook too.
One thing I did notice during this break is that Facebook sucks you into being a spectator of your life rather than experiencing it first hand. So, while I don't think Facebook makes me any more unhappy, I do think it can take me away from doing the things that make me happy...like dancing or working on a creative project.
So, as an addict, I have to say it was glorious to plunge back in to the digital world of Facebook, but I'm going to try and be mindful of both my time and behavior patterns in regards to my digital world. We'll see how I do...and if I succumb to binging again, maybe I'll do a month next time...just saying that makes my hands twitchy.
