The Power of Tiny

Painting walks a fine line between meditation and inner contemplation...after this last Burn I dove straight in and sank so deep that I was a day late in returning my rental car (oops!). While there have definitely been meditative moments, on the whole, the process of working on this latest painting has been a very contemplative process...digesting internal experiences that took place for those two weeks in the dust. (my navel runs deep 😉)

Today I had a moment where a physical/visual occurrence dovetailed with my inner monologue (so it makes for a tidy example).

The painting I've been working on contains some blocks of letters on red. They are bold and stand out in a sea of (mostly) monochromatic tones. They are the visual equivalent of the grand gesture...and they were at odds with the rest of the painting...too bright...too much...to there...but I knew that they had to be a part of the painting...a part of the bigger picture.

This afternoon, I made a tiny gesture. A tiny visual gesture. I added five matching red shapes, the largest of which is no bigger than the fingernail on my index finger...and the whole painting just popped into togetherness.

You wouldn't think such a tiny element would have such a big impact, but it does. This tangible example mirrored what I have been mulling over in my head, during, and since the Burn.

So much in our lives focuses on the grand gesture (and don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan, it makes for a good story) but what inspires me more is the tiny gesture...the tiny pebble that is tossed into a pond and the subsequent ripples that reach the other side and then reflect back.

Maybe some slightly less esoteric examples will paint a better picture.

I went to the Burn this year wanting, seeking the grand gesture, the epic adventure, the sparkle...and for the most part it remained elusive...

In a mid-week lull of whatthefuckisgoingonIwashopingforadifferentnarrative, a tiny moment presented itself. Not a grand adventure. Not a chance to have a magical make-out session under the stars, nor a letscommandeerbikesandgetlost or a letseatallthefuckingcandy* ...but rather a moment that said, stop, sit outside your tent and a small but worthy conversation will come your way.

It did.

Change radiated out from that tiny conversation and back in...

Tiny gestures...

Of course the power of tiny gestures goes both ways. You can take two seconds to pick up a mooped sequin or two second to brush off someone in need of inclusion...

I think in the face of big events (and there are so many happening around us constantly) we feel a need to respond with a big gesture, and we forget that even the tiniest act, can have a profound effect...

I guess what I'm really trying to say, is thank you, to all you bringers of the tiny gesture...you made my Burn... x

Biking Around the Road Blocks

Sometimes life throws things at you and you've got nuthin'...each way you turn you seem to encounter a road block. I've got a couple solutions when life sends me down a dead end. The first is dancing. 

While dancing is awesome, sometimes the clubs are closed and dancing around in your room just isn't going to cut it! That brings me to my second solution. Biking! 

Today was such a day, where I was again facing something that has (at least at the moment) no solution. I'm very good at falling down that rabbit hole where my mental wheels will spin and I won't actually get anywhere. When I feel that I'm falling into this trap, it's time to get the other wheels spinning. So, I put on my happy t-shirt... 

...and went for a ride.

While neither dancing nor riding actually solves anything, it does allow me to push a personal reset button...and now I want another happy t-shirt that says "Bicycle Doggy Chariots Make Me Happy!"

False Positive

When did we become obsessed with being happy? 

It seems so often these days I encounter an instance of what I call false positivism. People or ideologies that preach the gospel of always looking on the bright side of life. Don't get me wrong, I think a healthy positive outlook can do a lot towards making your life a happy one, it's just that I want genuine happiness... a happiness that is grounded in (my own and subjective) reality rather than this false positive veneer that has no basis in who I am and how I respond to things as an emotive human being.

I would probably call myself a positive realist. Now, I know that many pessimistic people have hidden behind the motto "I'm a realist" giving it a negative slant, but for me, true, deep and genuine happiness has its foundation in reality. Our subjective realities are unique and complicated and as such, our own particular brand of happiness is often colored by this. It is this coloring that makes us multi-dimensional individuals rather than cardboard cut-out paper dolls with smiles plastered to our faces. 

Since when did we have to feel one emotion for a single given situation? I am, as are you, a complex human being. I can be both happy and frustrated in the same moment about a single thing. That's what makes us so interesting...our complexity and multifaceted emotional nature. 

I'll use myself as an example. The other day I got a teaching gig. One private student, for art lessons. I was extremely happy about this for many reasons... I enjoy teaching, I need more work, additional income, something to add to my resume and so many other things made my emotional response to this a happy one. However, my student is a 2 hour (each way, 4hrs total!) commute away and this aspect tempered my happiness with a twinge of frustration. My happiness was grounded in the reality of the situation. It didn't make me any less happy, I was simply able to hold both happiness and frustration in response to this single situation. As I said before, our primary emotions are often tempered  by a myriad of things. When I shared this news on Facebook (as you do!) I was honest about how I felt. For the most part all I received were heartfelt congratulations....but I did have a friend who has fallen victim to the need for false positivity. They felt the need to chastised me for adding a grey lining to a silver cloud. For a moment I was angry, and then I was just a bit sad that my friend couldn't realize what a healthy choice my realistic happiness was. By my choosing to embrace the complexity of this joy, I was able to understand it (and myself more fully) and have a lasting happiness about it. 

Unexamined or blind happiness in my opinion is not actually happiness at all. I choose examined, complicated happiness for my life and (for me, at least) that comes from looking at myself (yes, a little bit of navel gazing isn't the worst thing ever) and understanding how to embrace a joy that is grounded in my own subjective reality.

I am not much of a writer (paint is my medium of choice) so instead of waffling on any longer this (click "this") lovely combination of words and art, probably does a better job at getting what I'm trying (so un-eloquently) to say! Also this (click "this") is an interesting read for how to deal with negative emotions...rather than slapping the happy wallpaper over it!


...that said, (the season of outdoor dancing is upon us and...) I am :-) 

ps - I hope you enjoyed all of my links!!

Doggie Domestication and Personal Rumination

Achhh! I have been so slack about blogging as of late, but life is busy, ya know?! It's not like I have a job, or a career, or a family to take care of...but somehow I manage to be busy...who knows what will happen when I start living like an "adult"...I'll probably spontaneously combust!

I digress...

So what's with the odd blog title? Well, recently I have been doing a lot of dogsitting. It's not some spectacular career move, but it does put a few bucks in my back pocket, let me stay in different neighborhoods around LA, make art and play with doggies...

It also means that unless I'm conversing with the dogs (which I do, sometimes) it still leaves me with quite a lot of time to ruminate about things...

The most recent little thought that floated through my head was this~ 

We put too much emphasis on how life or a certain situation feels (and by this I mean our emotional response to any given situation)rather than focusing on what is (or the reality of said situation...reality being subjective, of course!) 

I'll use myself as an example.

Right now I don't have a job, no career, no boyfriend, no fiancee, no apartment, no house, no car..."no SIM card, no disco, no photo...we want your soul!" Oops, I digress again, but you get the picture. This situation feels uncertain, my emotion response is one of concern about all of the afore mentioned. That is how the situation feels.

However, the is...

In reality (or my version of reality) things are no more uncertain than if I had a house, a job, "Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electric tin can openers..." 

Wait... I digress yet again! What I mean to say is that in reality my life is no more uncertain without all these trappings than it is with them, it just feels that way.

And you know what I decided, I choose not to.

I choose not to feel that way. I choose to embrace the fact that life is just going to happen and if I keep putting one foot in front of the other in the direction that I choose, I will get somewhere...and then somewhere else and elsewhere after that.

I think it is in our human nature to focus too much on the fear our feelings can engender rather than looking at why we are having those feelings in the first place and why our natural response to them is actually a conditioned response that grows out of our experiences.

Choose to change your responses.

Choose forward motion.

"Choose life" :-)