I'm as close to black and white as I ever get, when it comes to ghosting (ok, so maybe I'm slightly charcoal). If you have some insane stalker, by all means, walk away without another word, but in the world of average dating, ghosting is about the shittiest thing you can do to someone.
There has been quite a bit written about ghosting recently. So, I don't think I need to discuss it at length... I'll keep it short
As a recipient of ghosting (multiple times) I have to disagree with Jezebel's point that the recipient is deserving of this treatment. I was in no way deserving of the ghosting that I found myself on the receiving end of...I even had one of the men who did it to me subsequently say "You don't and didn't deserve the way I just let it go, totally not fair to you..."
What it really boils down to (at least as I see it) is a lack of respect for someone and a giving in to fear...fear of having a difficult and potentially uncomfortable conversation. When did we become so afraid of raw, real feelings and open, honest communication? Are we so universally afraid of not being totally adored that when we feel we might upset someone, we choose to shutdown, to disappear? This shutting down is not the way forward... Is "no" really that difficult to say? I respect "no"...but I have no respect for individuals who think that it is somehow better to never say no, who would rather say nothing at all.
While there will always be cowards when it comes to being open and honest in relationships, what I find more disturbing is how ghosting has spilled over into other arenas. I've noticed a worrying trend of ghosting becoming a part of everyday life. I have been ignored by businesses, clients and prospective employers. What has happened to our manners?
I'm not writing this necessarily to change your mind, but rather, at least, to invite you to take a moment and reflect on how you like to be treated... Does this run parallel to your thoughts on ghosting, parallel to your own behavior?
For those of you who are chronic ghosts, I invite you...
Own your own bullshit! It's ok to be terrified of a real conversation. Admit you're terrified, make that part of the conversation. Shit, you don't even have to say it. Just get some little business cards printed up that say "I'm too fucking scared to communicate. I'm sorry. Goodbye." and hand them out to whomever you want to end something with without a genuine conversation. Then you can continue on your merry way knowing that you'll never have to change and you've at least minimized the crushing agony of "what-the-fuck-just-happened?" that is playing in circles in your recipient's head.
...but if you want to be the better version of you... have that conversation, face to face.
Stop ghosting.
Start talking.
