What do You Call a Blonde...

"What do you call a blonde with pigtails?"

       ~ "A blow job with handles." 



NOTHING about this "joke" is ok...especially giving the setting...

I (with my hair in pigtail/buns) had just stepped on to the Red Line in Hollywood. I'm use to the crazies, the homeless, the rando's chatting you up and all the other medley of people I encounter on the subway in Los Angeles, but having someone say that to me, out loud, in public, was kind of the last straw. This man was not crazy (though he might have been drunk) ...and not a single person on the fairly busy train said a word... not. one. word.

...at the time I was wearing my black biker style boots and I wanted to kick him right in the face. I am not a violent person, but this kind of treatment is not to be tolerated...but I, unlike at least one person on that train, know how to restrain my impulses. Fortunately for me, I had my ear buds in and though no music was playing through them at the time, I was able to ignore this person that was not worth a millisecond of my time.

...but the real trouble is, I have given more than a millisecond of my time to guys who think it is ok to treat me like garbage. Oh, they haven't done anything like the guy on the train, but in many ways what they have done is much worse. Worse in its subtlety, so that I don't realize I'm being sucked into a black hole of communication. They open the door for me like a gentleman but when I step through the door they disappear. These men lacked the directness of my subway encounter and, as shitty as it was, I'd prefer a direct asshole any day to the slippery ghosts I've had to deal with for the past few years...at least then I would know immediately that they needed a metaphorical boot in the face, kicking them out of my life swiftly and effectively.

I like "me" and in general I like other people. I try to be direct, honest and kind when dealing with people even when we don't see eye to eye and I really don't fucking understand why others can't try and do this as well...

In the wake of this, it is difficult to find the desire to push myself to find someone to date...I know there are many kind and honest men out there... I know a few...many of my friends are dating and/or married to some exemplary men.

I don't think it is too much to ask, to want someone who is both kind/honest and exciting... but for some reason I can't seem to find someone who excites me (and I them) who also wants to open that door, step inside, and stick around...