When did we become obsessed with being happy?
It seems so often these days I encounter an instance of what I call false positivism. People or ideologies that preach the gospel of always looking on the bright side of life. Don't get me wrong, I think a healthy positive outlook can do a lot towards making your life a happy one, it's just that I want genuine happiness... a happiness that is grounded in (my own and subjective) reality rather than this false positive veneer that has no basis in who I am and how I respond to things as an emotive human being.
I would probably call myself a positive realist. Now, I know that many pessimistic people have hidden behind the motto "I'm a realist" giving it a negative slant, but for me, true, deep and genuine happiness has its foundation in reality. Our subjective realities are unique and complicated and as such, our own particular brand of happiness is often colored by this. It is this coloring that makes us multi-dimensional individuals rather than cardboard cut-out paper dolls with smiles plastered to our faces.
Since when did we have to feel one emotion for a single given situation? I am, as are you, a complex human being. I can be both happy and frustrated in the same moment about a single thing. That's what makes us so interesting...our complexity and multifaceted emotional nature.
I'll use myself as an example. The other day I got a teaching gig. One private student, for art lessons. I was extremely happy about this for many reasons... I enjoy teaching, I need more work, additional income, something to add to my resume and so many other things made my emotional response to this a happy one. However, my student is a 2 hour (each way, 4hrs total!) commute away and this aspect tempered my happiness with a twinge of frustration. My happiness was grounded in the reality of the situation. It didn't make me any less happy, I was simply able to hold both happiness and frustration in response to this single situation. As I said before, our primary emotions are often tempered by a myriad of things. When I shared this news on Facebook (as you do!) I was honest about how I felt. For the most part all I received were heartfelt congratulations....but I did have a friend who has fallen victim to the need for false positivity. They felt the need to chastised me for adding a grey lining to a silver cloud. For a moment I was angry, and then I was just a bit sad that my friend couldn't realize what a healthy choice my realistic happiness was. By my choosing to embrace the complexity of this joy, I was able to understand it (and myself more fully) and have a lasting happiness about it.
Unexamined or blind happiness in my opinion is not actually happiness at all. I choose examined, complicated happiness for my life and (for me, at least) that comes from looking at myself (yes, a little bit of navel gazing isn't the worst thing ever) and understanding how to embrace a joy that is grounded in my own subjective reality.
I am not much of a writer (paint is my medium of choice) so instead of waffling on any longer this (click "this") lovely combination of words and art, probably does a better job at getting what I'm trying (so un-eloquently) to say! Also this (click "this") is an interesting read for how to deal with negative emotions...rather than slapping the happy wallpaper over it!
...that said, (the season of outdoor dancing is upon us and...) I am :-)
ps - I hope you enjoyed all of my links!!
