Dear Boys on the Internets,
Hi! Nice to make your acquaintance. I will shortly be writing to you individually I would imagine. Opening with something generic like, "hope you're having a lovely day!" Please feel free to return the sentiment. Following this banal exchange of pleasantries we can arrange to meet up in person, because, let's be honest, all bets are off until we've done the human equivalent of dogs sniffing each other's butts.
However, before we proceed, let me offer a little suggestion. Something you really should know by now, unless you were raised by wolves, or something, because any rational human being with the minimum of brain cells needed to breathe should know this...
No, I do not want to know about your fetish before we've even shared a cup of liquid legal stimulants.
(I'm happy for you that you have found something that hits your "yes" button, and should we proceed to something beyond the aforementioned liquid stimulants, I will be happy to discover if this is a "yes" button for me too! Yay! Everybody wins!)
Just not yet...let me finish my cup of coffee first!!
Also...
Yes! Hurrah! You have a penis! I'm glad you've discovered this! I've known for quite a while that boys have penises... (I don't, being a girl and all). While I'm so happy that you love your penis, it is, after all a part of you...no matter how proud you are of having this extra appendage, now is not the time to show it off.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this letter. Just incase you are still at all confused...
No dick pics and the fetishes can wait!
Sincerely,
A generally very calm and rational girl who's patience as been sorely tried today.
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