Happiness, A Two-Part Invention

There's a lot of stuff out there that says you have to find your own happiness, follow your bliss and choose to be happy, blah, blah, blah...but they leave out an important point, happiness, is often, a two part invention. Unless you are a hermit living alone on a mountain top, your happiness will be linked, in part, to your interpersonal relationships (and I don't just mean romantic relationships, I mean all relationships with other people).

Now don't get me wrong. I do think you are ultimately responsible for your own happiness and if you are searching for happiness in others, it's time to stop and figure out what you want to be happy and satisfied with your life...but this is not what I set out to write about.

To get to know someone, whether it's a romantic relationship, a deep friendship or a family member, you have to put some of your happiness into their hands...to fall into happiness with someone. To be able to have this kind of deep resonant happiness you have to trust and be vulnerable. This is your gift to them and their gift to you. This doesn't mean that you're not responsible for your own happiness. What it means is, initially (and continually) in any relationship you have to let go a little and put some of your happiness in someone else's hands to see if it is valued, cherished. 

If you take that risk and fall into happiness with someone and they do not value your happiness, you'll keep falling and hit the ground with a thud. It is ok to thud, maybe even a couple times, (the person you are falling with is human after all, and we all make mistakes, we all drop someone's heart at some point). But, if every time you leap you hit the ground (thud), then it is time to stop falling. They are not falling with you into happiness and they are not going to catch you. It is time to step back from the edge and take back the responsibility for your happiness again.

I think one of the most tricky things is to be able to hurtle yourself off that cliff into happiness again after you've had a few thuds (though it can also be equally as hard to stop jumping with the same person if you are hopeful they will change). 

So here's my point, I guess... Don't be afraid to let go and leap off the edge into happiness with someone, but stop falling if you keep on hitting the ground.